


The Dusty Road

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Everywhere You Roam [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caleb Widogast Has Issues, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb Widogast-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast, So much Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: After being rescued from the horrors of the Soltryce Academy by the Arcana Pansophical, Caleb is taken in my Allura Vysoren and Kima of Vord.
Relationships: Caleb Widogast & Allura Vysoren, Caleb Widogast & Kima, Kima/Allura Vysoren, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast
Series: Everywhere You Roam [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134491
Comments: 62
Kudos: 205





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some notes about this au:  
> 1) Caleb is Veth and Yeza's adopted child  
> 2) Veth and Yeza saved Caleb from being taken by goblins, they instead were both taken  
> 3) Caleb was then sent to the Soltryce Academy  
> 4) Throughout this whole story, Caleb is about 15

It’s been four days since Caleb and many of his classmates were rescued from the Soltryce Academy by the Arcana Pansophical. Four days and yet it seems like a lifetime. In that time he’s been questioned by a handful of mages, all trying to get to the bottom of what had really been going on at the Soltryce. With the rest of his classmates sent back to the Empire to be reunited with their families, Caleb is left in a large bedroom in an even larger tower.

Caleb gingerly sits on the edge of the bed, his bed, he corrects himself. For the time being at least. He’s not sure how long Lady Allura or her wife will tolerate a stranger living in their home with them. For all he knows, he could be sent to an orphanage in a week.

The bedroom is bare except for the bed, a desk, and a closet. The linens are fancy, as is the furniture, and Caleb is sure that everything in this room is more expensive than anything he’s ever owned. The bed curtains are made of thick red fabric that matches the rug at the foot of the bed. Allura told him that the washroom and her own bedroom are just down the hall. But Caleb isn’t really sure if he’s allowed to leave this room. 

After a few minutes, Caleb forces himself to get up and open his bag that he had set on the desk. He carefully pulls out his few belongings he had taken with him from the Soltryce: his spellbook, his pouch of components, and a little stuffed cat. He hadn’t been allowed trinkets since he was living on the Academy’s money, but the stuffed cat, Frumpkin, is all he has left of his life before. It’s worn out and ragged, threadbare in several places. But Caleb loves it all the same.

When the Arcana Pansophical had brought him to Emon with the other students, they’d been asked that they all write down their parent’s names and a description of them so that someone might contact them about their children’s whereabouts. Caleb hadn’t written anything. Both of his parents are dead, they sacrificed their lives for him. 

“Any other family or friend who might be looking for you?” Allura asked him gently when he handed her a blank piece of paper. Caleb shook his head. 

He had expected her to send him away, back to the Empire or to an orphanage or school, but instead, she offered up her home to him. She offered him to become her ward and she offered to teach him arcane magic. Caleb couldn’t find it in himself to refuse. 

But he knows that kindness, even from the most caring people, can’t last forever. He intends to learn all he can from Allura before she sends him away. He can already tell that she is one of the most powerful mages he’s ever met. 

There’s a soft knock on his door and Caleb quickly tucks the stuffed cat back into his bag before opening it. On the other side is Allura. She’s now wearing a more casual dress, though her hair is still in the same braid with jeweled pins. “Do you want to come to dinner?” 

Caleb freezes. He’s being invited to dinner with Allura and presumably her wife. This is not at all what he expected from an archmage. He expected to be kept at a cold distance, not welcomed in so easily. Allura must see the confusion on his face because she adds, “If you’d feel more comfortable I can have your meal sent to your room.” 

He shakes his head, “No, no I’d love to have dinner with you, Lady Allura.” 

As he steps into the hallway, closing the door behind him, Allura says, “Please, just Allura is fine. You needn’t be so formal.”

He murmurs a quick apology and follows Allura down the hallway. The room that Allura leads him to isn’t the fancy dining room he expected but rather a cozy room with paintings on the walls, a large fireplace, and a table in the middle. The table is small, clearly made for two people, but a third chair has been added. Sitting at the table is Lady Kima, though she rises when they enter. 

“Lady Kima,” Caleb gives her a polite bow. He hasn’t met Allura’s wife yet and he wants to make a good impression. She has just as much sway into sending him away as Allura does. 

Kima snorts and rolls her eyes, “You’re living in my home, you can call me Kima.” 

“Sorry,” He tells her. 

She looks at him incredulously, “You don’t have to be sorry.” Kima crosses her arms. “Are all the Empire folk as stuffy as you?” 

“Kima.” Allura chastises. She looks down at Caleb, “Please ignore her, I’m afraid no matter how hard I try, manners have never been her strong suit.” 

Kima scoffs as she sits back down, “You wouldn’t love me if they were.” 

Allura ignores her and gestures for Caleb to sit down. He does, his back is straight as a board. As they all dig into their meal, Kima fixes her gaze on Caleb. “You a wizard too?”

“Yes.” 

Kima sighs heavily, “I’m surrounded by smart people. It’s exhausting to be the only one with commonsense.” Allura shakes her head fondly with a light laugh and places a hand on Kima’s shoulder. Kima crosses her arms and nods at Caleb, “Can I teach you to fight?” 

Caleb freezes for a split second before he can say, “What?” 

“With your fists or with a blade or a hammer or something. You wizards are all so fragile you take one hit and you’re knocked to the floor. I’ve seen that enough times to know that it’s simply common sense for every wizard to know how to throw a punch. Did they teach you anything like that at your fancy magic school?”

Caleb tenses a little and shakes his head. 

She stabs a piece of broccoli with her fork, “Well it’s a good job you’re living with us then. Training starts tomorrow.” 

“I...uh.” 

Allura looks to Kima, “Let him get settled here first, Kima.” 

She sighs, “Fine. Training starts the day _after_ tomorrow.” 

Caleb nods and from there the conversation drifts to lords and ladies Caleb doesn’t know names that sound vaguely familiar, and people that everyone is gossiping about. Caleb finds the wives’ banter rather enjoyable to listen to. It reminds him of his own parents, how his mother would torment his father. 

When dinner is done, he thanks them both and walks back to his bedroom. 

Once he’s inside, Caleb breathes a sigh of relief. It seems like they like him. Maybe he has longer than he thought. If he can just keep in their good graces...

It’s fairly late, almost eight o’clock. Looking through the closet, Caleb finds a few sets of basic pants and shirts as well as a soft set of pajamas. He changes into them quickly, tugging his sleeves over his hands so he doesn’t have to look at the mostly healed scabs there. 

Caleb doesn’t know what to do with himself. At the Academy, he’d always have something to be studying or practicing until late at night. Now it’s barely a quarter to eight and he finds himself useless. There are no spells to learn, sure he could practice the few he has in his spellbook, but he doesn’t want to accidentally ruin anything in this gifted bedroom. 

He walks to the window. 

Below him is the city of Emon, one he’s only read about in books. He thought Rexxentrum was a big city, but it can’t even hold a candle to Emon. There are hundreds of people in the streets below, hundreds of noises coming from everywhere all at once. The cityscape is aglow with golden light as shopkeepers close for the evening and taverns get ready for rush hour. 

Caleb spends a few more minutes looking out his window before he hears footsteps in the hall. On instinct, he makes himself look productive, sitting down immediately at the desk and opening up his spellbook. His heart is pounding in his chest, the footsteps sounding far too like those of his mentor. 

The footsteps draw closer and then there’s a knock at his door. Caleb steals himself before he opens it. On the other side is not his mentor with harsh words and stone cold eyes, but rather a human servant girl with blonde hair in two braids. She smiles at him, in her arms are four books. 

“Hi!” She says cheerfully. “Lady Allura asked me to bring you these books to read. She said that she didn’t know what you would like so she took a guess, but you are welcome in the library to choose some for yourself,” she recites. 

“Thank you,” Caleb says as he accepts the books. The servant girl bids him goodnight and he closes the door. Caleb sets the books on the desk and reads the titles: _Fairytales From Across Tal’Dorei_ , _History in the Age of Gods_ , _The Ghost of Raren’s Bridge_ , and _Change and the Potentials of Transmutability_. 

Caleb picks up the first book. He’s familiar with Dwendalian fairytales, the ones his parents used to tell him, and based on how colorful and different Tal’Dorei has been so far, he’s very interested to learn what folktales might come from such a place. Though the last title is intriguing, Caleb knows that if he picks that one up, he will end up reading it until the early hours of the morning. Besides, a great many changes have happened in the last four days, he needs something comforting to distract him from the endless swirl of thoughts in his head. He sits down on the bed and rests the book against his knees as he begins to read. 

Caleb wakes up in the middle of the night suddenly. He quickly clamps a hand over his mouth so his heavy breathing and whimpers stay quiet. It takes him a second to realize where he is. He’s not at the Academy with its thin walls and light-sleeping neighbors. But even so, he keeps himself quiet, he can’t risk waking up Allura or Kima. 

All he can hear is his breathing and his heart pounding in his ears. The echoes of his dream still sound in Caleb’s mind. His whole body is shaking as he fights the urge to claw at his arms to get out imaginary crystals. Tears pour down his cheeks and his chest feels impossibly tight. 

His mentor isn’t here, he’s safe, Caleb repeats over and over in his mind. But it doesn’t work well because in all honesty, he doesn’t know if he is safe here at all. Yes, Allura is kind, but he thought the same of Trent at the beginning. And unlike in Rexxentrum, Caleb is in an unfamiliar city with strange people and no idea where to run even if he could. 

“Stop,” Caleb whispers to himself, squeezing his head between his hands. “Stop.” 

It takes Caleb what feels like hours to calm himself down. His breathing slows first, but the tears remain longer still. As does the persistent itch under his skin. He pulls his blankets over himself still shaking and forces himself to go back to sleep. 

In the morning, Caleb wakes up feeling heavy. It’s probably the change of time zones, he rationalizes. Traveling halfway across the world will do that to you. He groans at the sun beaming through the windows and across the bedroom. He forgot to close the curtains last night. 

He blinks a few times and then his eyes open wide. It’s eight o’clock. Normally he never would have been allowed to sleep this late. It immediately brings a rush of anxiety to his chest. Did Allura tell him a time he was supposed to be up? Did he oversleep? 

No, he tells himself. He would have remembered if Allura said anything about when he needed to be up. If someone needed him that would have simply woken him up. 

He spends the next half hour or so getting dressed and combing back his hair. He sits down at the desk once more, not sure if he’s allowed to leave the bedroom without someone coming to get him. Thankfully someone does. 

At about 8:45, Allura knocks on the door. She’s wearing a casual dress, her hair once more in a perfectly done braid. She smiles at him, “Would you like to join me for breakfast? I would love to get to know you a little better.” 

“That sounds lovely,” Caleb says. He lets Allura lead him up through the tower. She pushes open a large wooden door and what’s behind makes Caleb’s eyes spring wide. 

Inside is a circular room, dozens of feet high. The walls are completely filled with shelves stuffed with books. There are rolling ladders attached to the ceiling to retrieve the books on the higher shelves. The middle of the room is filled with tables and desks with ornate wooden chairs. There is a large stone fireplace to the right along with a soft green couch and matching chairs. 

Allura looks over at him and smiles at his expression, “It’s something, isn’t it?” Caleb nods wordlessly. “It was a gift from Kima for our fifth wedding anniversary. She said she had enough of me cluttering our living space with all of my books,” Allura laughs fondly. 

Allura leads Caleb to a table where a tray of pastries and fruits is along with two cups of tea. She gestures for him to sit and when he does. Once Allura starts dishing herself up a plate, Caleb knows that he’s allowed to as well. 

They eat in silence for a moment or two before Allura asks, “What school of magic would you like to learn? I specialize in Abjuration, but I am quite skilled in most other schools.”

“At school, we were taught Abjuration,” Caleb says. 

Allura leans forward. “But what do you want to learn?” Caleb thinks for a moment. “You can always change it later if you find you don’t like something.”

Caleb thinks back to the book on his desk. “I would like to try Transmutation if that’s alright.”

Allura smiles, “Very well. We’ll get started on your lessons tomorrow.”

The rest of breakfast passes with pleasant conversation, Allura telling Caleb about Emon and Tal'Dorei. Caleb notices that she carefully avoids any topics that might relate to the Academy and he’s thankful for it. He’s not sure he could handle talking about any of that right now, especially when his fate is in this woman’s hands. 

“Allura?” Caleb asks. She nods for him to continue. “How long will I be staying with you?” 

“Oh,” she furrows her brow in thought. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. You’re only a few years away from being an adult. But if there’s some place you’d rather stay or a school you’d think you’d benefit from, I’d be happy to have that conversation with you.” 

“You’d let me stay here for that long?” 

“Of course. I would have to be some kind of monster to promise you shelter and safety and not mean it. Especially after all you’ve been through.”

“That’s very kind of you,” Caleb says. 

Allura smiles. “If you’d like I could show you around the city today. Perhaps we could pick up some clothes and decorations for you.” 

Caleb can’t find it in himself to say no. 

Emon, it turns out, is nothing like the Empire cities. The people are lively, talking loudly across the streets, hawking their wares. Everyone’s clothing is colorful and Caleb sees all sorts of people he’s never seen before. Allura pushes him into a few shops, waving off his concerns about money and letting him whatever he wants from the stores. Caleb doesn’t get much, just a few things to put in his room and a handful of new clothes. 

The entire time, Caleb has to fight the urge to wrap his arms around himself and hide, it’s been so long since he’s been able to have anything that was really his. Everything feels so very temporary, even after Allura’s promise. In his experience, someone’s view of another person can change in an instant.

And yet, Allura is showing him overwhelming kindness. Kindness he knows he doesn’t deserve. He’s unsure how much Allura knows about his time at the Soltryce, but she seems to know about Trent’s training for him and his fellow students.

How can she still show him such kindness knowing what he has done to good, innocent people?

At the end of the day, Caleb nearly collapses onto his bed from exhaustion. His new things are sitting on the desk. He purchased a few new books, some basic hygiene products, and a notebook. His new clothes are put away already. 

And for the first time since being pulled from his home all those years ago, Caleb feels some semblance of safety. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb spends time with Allura and Kima and gets some big news from the Empire.

Around ten the next day, Allura knocks on his door while he’s leafing through one of the books he picked up the previous day. He’s still not used to the free time that being away from the school has allowed him. 

“Grab your notebook and spellbook,” she instructs. Caleb hurries to do as she says and follows her once more to the library. They sit down at one of the many tables. Allura has her own spellbook in front of her as well as four books related to Transmutation magic. 

“Are you ready to get started?” She asks, opening one of the books. Since Caleb already knows the basics of magic, Allura tells him that they’re going to jump right into Transmutation. As Allura begins to explain the basics of Transmutation, Caleb diligently takes notes. 

Something inside of Caleb’s chest makes him uneasy, on edge as the lecture goes on. This is familiar. He recalls his first lesson with Trent Ikithon. They had been sitting much like this, Trent speaking rapidly while a ten year old Caleb took notes, jotting down every word. It had been in those lessons that Trent first started to sow his seeds of what he wanted Caleb to use his magic for. Manipulation, that’s what the people at the Arcana Pansophical said it was. 

Caleb is still coming to terms with what exactly that means. 

But the point is, Caleb’s previous mentor used his naivety to his advantage. How does he know Allura won’t do the same? After all, Allura is a member of the Tal’Dorei Council and Caleb doesn’t know enough about the government here to say whether or not it is just as corrupt as the Cerberus Assembly.

He is smart enough to know that power corrupts people, even well intentioned people. 

“Caleb?” He looks up to see Allura looking at him with a concerned frown. 

“I-I’m sorry,” he shakes his head to rid himself of his thoughts. Looking back up at Allura he asks, “What were you saying?” 

Allura folds her hands on the book. “Caleb, if this is too soon, we can wait to start your lessons until you’re feeling up to it.” 

“No.” He can’t already be showing his weakness to such a powerful wizard. “I want to do this,” he insists. 

Allura looks at him, seeming to peer straight through him. “But…?”

“But it’s just...” Caleb rubs the pad of his thumb against his nail, looking down at his notebook. “I don’t want to offend you.” 

She shakes her head, “You won’t, Caleb. Whatever you’re feeling is alright. You can say what you need to.” 

Caleb presses his hands against his legs and takes a deep breath. He looks up at Allura and finds the strength to ask, “How do I know that I can trust you?” 

Allura smiles gently. “I understand your trepidation, Caleb, I really do. I am a member of the Tal’Dorei government who has taken you into my home and offered to teach you magic. I can see the similarities to me and your horrid old mentor.” She puts her hand on the table between them. “I’m not sure how to prove to you that I have none of the intentions that he did except to help you become a brilliant mage.” She thinks for a moment, “Here, tell me a spell that you always wanted to learn but he never let you.” 

Caleb doesn’t even have to think for a moment, “Find Familiar. He said it was frivolous and pointless.” What Caleb doesn’t say is that many nights spent alone at the Academy all he wanted was someone to keep him company through his tears and pain and stress and panic. Someone who would be loyal to him no matter what. 

Allura smiles, “Alright then. Would you like to learn that spell?” 

“R-Really?” Allura nods and Caleb quickly agrees. 

She begins to talk him through what the ritual means, what it does, and how to perform it. Caleb’s seen similar rituals so it’s not too difficult for him to understand. They clear away a few of the tables to make room on the floor to draw the summoning circle for the fey creature. When they’re not discussing the ritual, Allura and Caleb work in silence. A silence that Caleb finds surprisingly comforting.

When the circle is completed, Allura kneels beside Caleb and tells him, “Picture the creature you want to summon in your head. It can take the shape of any animal you want.”

Caleb closes his eyes and thinks for a second. Then there’s a whoosh sound and then a soft meow. Caleb opens his eyes to see an orange cat standing in the middle of the circle, looking up at him with big eyes. A small gasp escapes him as he takes in the animal, gently lowering his hand for the cat to sniff. Even though he doubts that he has to help the creature trust him, Caleb finds himself doing it on instinct. It’s what his parents taught him. 

The cat sniffs his hand for a second before rubbing its little head across Caleb’s hand. Caleb’s face breaks into an immediate grin, reaching out for the animal. 

As Caleb lifts the cat into his arms, Allura says, “Do you have a name in mind for him?” 

“Frumpkin,” Caleb says quietly. 

“That’s an excellent name.”

After lunch, Caleb spends a little while alone in his room, working with Frumpkin. Allura told him to get comfortable with his familiar, learn what commands he can follow and how to instruct him clearly to get the desired result. When Kima knocks on his door, Caleb is watching through Frumpkin’s eyes as the cat inspects the space under his bed. The knock heard from Frumpkin’s sensitive ears, scares him back into his own head. 

Caleb flies off of his bed, not wanting to leave Kima waiting outside his door. When he opens it, Kima is standing with her arms crossed, her foot tapping against the stone floor. “You ready for some training?” 

Caleb looks down at himself in his slacks and buttoned shirt. “Can I wear this?” 

She looks him up and down, “That’s fine for now. Come on.” 

Kima takes him down a flight of stairs to a large padded room with targets on one wall and a variety of dummies on the other. She leads him to the far wall where dozens of weapons are on display, all of them gleaming sharp. She turns to him with crossed arms, “What are you thinking? Dagger, staff, hammer, sword?” 

Caleb looks at the variety of weapons before him and takes a step back, “I don’t know if I can do that.” His eyes linger on the knife for a split second before he tears them away. Kima must see something in his face because she nods. 

“How about just your fists then? Every person should know how to throw a good punch.”

He nods, “That’s more my speed.” 

Kima is not as patient a teacher as Allura, Caleb quickly discovers. She talks fast at him, slinging out a variety of terms he doesn’t know. But this is familiar to Caleb, he follows her instructions with the rigor of a perfectly trained soldier. Every so often Caleb catches her looking at him with an unreadable expression when he follows her orders a little too sharply. 

Kima has him practicing on a dummy, the placement of his fist when he swings, the stance of his legs to make sure his opponent has a hard time knocking him over. Caleb absorbs the information quickly, not only because of his perfect memory but because of his training where he wouldn’t be allowed to ask questions and wrong moves were punished immediately. 

By the end of the session, Caleb is sweaty and tired, though he hasn’t rolled up his sleeves. Kima wipes her arm across her brow, “Good work today, kid. Go get cleaned up.” 

Caleb quickly starts to do as she says, but Kima stops him. 

“You know you’re not a prisoner here, right?” She asks bluntly.

“I know that.”

She shakes her head and moves to stand in front of him, “You know you’re supposed to say that. We’re not your prison wardens. You don’t have to listen to what we say. Hell, you’re a teenager, you should be actively ignoring everything we say.” 

“It’s been a while since I’ve had anything like this,” Caleb says. “I guess I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m not there anymore.” He thinks for a second. “Kima, can I ask you something?” She nods. “Am I allowed to leave my room by myself?” 

She looks at him like he just grew a purple horn. “Of course you fucking are. This is your home too, Caleb.” 

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly. 

“Jesus, kid, I’m not mad,” Kima sighs in frustration, running a hand through her hair. “Allura told me a little bit of what you’ve been through and I know you’re still working through everything, but Allura and I aren’t bad people.” She thinks for a second, “ _Allura_ isn’t a bad person. I’m a little ify sometimes. What I mean is, we’re going to take care of you, you don’t need to be afraid of us. You can trust us.” 

“Thank you,” Caleb says. “I’ll, um, try to trust you guys more.” 

“Good.” She shoves past him. “Now go take a bath, you stink. And,” she calls after him, “if you ever tell anyone I said any of that, I’ll rip your fucking eyes out!’ Caleb laughs, knowing that she’s not serious in the slightest.

Weeks pass by. 

Slowly Caleb does as Kima asks and starts to trust them. During the day he finds different places to study whether in the library or in a nook he finds. He’s not quite ready to venture far into the city. But he still wakes with nightmares at least once a week. Frumpkin helps, but the more he tries to think through the things he did at the Academy, the more disconnected he feels from the world.

But he doesn’t tell his guardians that. Everything’s just fine without them knowing about how truly broken he is on the inside. Occasionally they’ll try to get him to talk about it, but Caleb makes it clear that he doesn’t want to.

One day, Caleb knocks gently on the door to Allura’s study after one of the servants told him she wished to see him in her office. That phrase reminds Caleb of dozens of awful memories, but Clabe presses them down. He knows that Allura won’t hurt him. 

Allura calls for him to come in. Caleb has been in this study a few times and it always makes him feel incredibly safe. The walls are close together with an ornate desk facing the fireplace and two soft chairs in front of it. The wall behind the desk is shelves with books as well as small trinkets and baubles. Her desk is usually organized, but today there is paper strewn over it, many with notes written in the margins. 

When Caleb walks in, Allura is working over some papers at her desk. She looks up and nods for him to take a seat across from her. 

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Allura says. “I know that you were studying.” 

He shakes his head, “What did you want to see me about?” 

She folds her hands in front of herself. “I wanted to let you know that Trent Ikithon has been tried in front of King Dwendal, using the evidence collected by the Arcana Pansophical. With testimonies from the students who were trained under him, including your own, he was found guilty of crimes including child endangerment, murder, and human experimentation.” Caleb flinches at the last one. “He’s been imprisoned in the Empire, for the time being, awaiting further sentencing.” 

Caleb sinks into his chair, “It’s really over?” 

Allura nods with a small smile, “It is.” 

The emotion Caleb is feeling can’t quite be described as relief, it’s something far more complicated. Yes, Ikithon is stopped from ever harming more children. But Caleb has to live with those memories for the rest of his life. To him, it’s never really over. He thinks about the people he killed in cold blood because he had been told they were traitors. He thinks about the feeling of crystals benign shoved under his skin. 

“Caleb?” Allura asks. 

He looks up quickly, “That’s great news.” Caleb stands abruptly, “I’m sorry, I have some studying to get done.” 

“Caleb,” Allura rises as well, “I know this must be a lot and I’m here for you to talk to, anytime you want. I won’t judge you.” 

You can’t promise that, Caleb stops himself from saying. Instead, he says, “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.” He gives her a polite nod before leaving her office.

Caleb walks briskly down the stairs towards his bedroom. He does his best to avoid all of the servants in the halls and makes it to his bedroom and closes the door just in time for him to collapse against the door, gasping for breath. 

It’s all too much. He can feel crystals in his arms, bulging against his pale skin, he can see the faces of the innocents he killed, the tears in their eyes as he struck them down, he can see himself performing every awful action he did in the name of the Empire. He was so sure of himself and the things he was doing. So sure that what he was doing was right. 

In his mind, Trent is always behind him, an unseen force using him like a puppet to do his bidding. 

Caleb shakes that train of thought away, imagining himself as a puppet places all of the blame on the puppeteer. While Caleb knows that everything that happened was because of Trent, he can’t alleviate all the blame from himself. At the end of the day, he was the one who chose to do those things. He wanted to do them. He was so sure it was right. 

He quickly snaps Frumpkin in his arms who immediately stands on his thighs and starts making biscuits. The pressure helps ease Caleb’s mind a little bit. He slowly lifts his shaking hands to touch Frumpkin’s sides. The fey cat immediately begins purring and pawing at his chest, meowing softly at him. 

“Thank you, my friend,” Caleb says softly as he buries his head in Frumpkin’s side. 

The next day when Allura and Caleb are working quietly in the library, Caleb can’t get what she said yesterday out of his head. That she’s there for him to talk to about everything. 

“How much do you know about everything at the Academy?” Caleb asks after a moment. 

Allura looks up, folding her hand on top of her books. “Quite a bit. I helped put together the file they used to convict Ikithon. Why do you ask?” 

“Then why did you take me in? Give me a place to stay when you knew everything I had done? He looks down at his hands and the rough scars there from when the fire had gotten just a little too close. “Why would you allow someone like me in your home?” 

“I have seen people at their worst, doing whatever it takes to live another day,” Allura tells him. “I have seen people’s own will and honor used against them in unimaginable and terrible ways. I have seen people’s pride be their downfall. And I have seen people like you.” For the first time since his arrival in Emon, Allura takes his hand. “Children who grew up with no choices and no way out of their situation.” She looks him straight in the eyes as tears begin to gather.

“The things you did and the things that were done to you were not your fault. They were a product of your situation and the people that surrounded you.” She squeezes his hand. “You don’t have to be that person anymore. I took you in because I knew that a child who’s been through all that you have needs stability and safety to recover. 

“You were not born with venom in your veins." She looks at him earnestly. "Here, with me and Kima, you have a chance to be the person the Academy never allowed you to be.” 

Tears are falling quickly down Caleb’s cheeks. Before he knows what he’s doing, he leans forward and wraps his arms around Allura. He expects her to shove him away, but she doesn’t. She holds him. It’s a little uncomfortable with the space between their chairs, but Caleb doesn’t care in the slightest. He just relishes in the first comfort he has gotten in six long years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this fic please leave a comment or kudos!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb meets someone with an unfamiliar face and name, but who seems to know a lot about him.

Three months after his arrival in Emon, Caleb is working quietly in the library, Frumpkin purring in his lap. He is writing in his spellbook, copying down some of the spells Allura had been teaching him. Allura is also in the library sitting on the couch with a book in her hand and a cup of tea cooling on the table beside her. The fire in the hearth warms up the room, though Emon doesn’t ever get as cold as the Empire does. 

These past few months have seen Caleb dive headfirst into his studies with Allura, making excellent progress. His training with Kima has not been quite as successful, but he has learned quite a bit under her. Caleb has taken many ventures into the city with Allura, sometimes accompanying her to council meetings as her protegee. 

While they’re working, all of a sudden Allura inhales sharply. Caleb looks over at her as Allura says something under her breath. She stands quickly after that and sets her book on the coffee table. “Caleb?” Allura asks as she walks quickly towards him. “Would you like to go on a trip with me?” 

He frowns, standing as well. Frumpkin meows dejectedly as he hops onto the table to avoid being thrown to the ground. “Where?”

“My friend, Yussa, in the Menagerie Coast is in trouble. I need to go figure out what’s going on. Would you like to accompany me?” 

“Of course.” 

“Come here.” Allura kneels on the stone floor, pulling a piece of chalk from her pocket. As she starts to draw a teleportation circle, she explains to Caleb the situation. Yussa’s assistant, Wensforth, contacted her saying that his master is in trouble. She doesn’t know how long this will take, perhaps Yussa just had a magical mishap with a new spell, but she promises that if it seems to take long, she’ll send him back to the tower. 

When the circle is almost finished, Allura quickly scribbles out a note to Kima, placing it on the coffee table. Once the last mark is drawn, both wizards step into the circle and vanish from the library. 

They appear in a circular chamber with stone walls and a single door. Allura looks quickly to Caleb before nodding for him to follow her as she walks out of the room and up a windy set of stairs. At the top of the stairs, they arrive in a workshop. It has one large, wooden table that is covered with papers, tools, and a golden metal ball on top of it all. There are seven people in the room. Two women, one leaning against a staff and one with her arms crossed by the door, a half-orc, a blue tiefling, a firbolg, and two goblins, one of whom has a crossbow by her side, fingers twitching against the trigger. 

Caleb has to stop himself from stepping behind Allura at the sight of the goblins. He has no fond memories of their kind. But he can’t show weakness so he stays at her side, back straight. 

All seven of them all look at Allura and Caleb expectantly. 

Allura looks at the strange group and sighs, “What has that godforsaken fool gotten himself into?”

No one answers her question; they all just look around at each other. After a moment the human woman nods to Allura in greeting. “Hey.”

“And you are?” Allura asks them. 

“We’re adventurers,” the half-orc speaks up. “Friend of Yussa. I’m Fjord.” Fjord goes on to introduce the rest of the party: Beau, Yasha, Jester, Caduceus, and Nott. Meaning the second goblin must be Yussa’s assistant, Wensforth. 

When the introductions are done, Allura says, “Hello, I am arcanist Allura Vysoren and this is my protegee Caleb.” 

Caleb gives the group a small wave, incredibly intimidated by the number of weapons they are all carrying. He feels eyes on him and sees the goblin woman staring right at him. Her hand has thankfully loosened around her crossbow, but now she watches him with wide eyes. “I am the master of arcana on the Council of Tal’Dorei and I would like to know why I’ve been summoned.” 

The colorful group begins to explain the situation, that Yussa has apparently gone into the sphere on the table and he has been missing for quite some time. And still, the goblin’s eyes remain on Caleb. Allura steps forward, Caleb following her, and she begins to look over the sphere and the papers on the desk. 

After a minute or two, she looks at him, “Caleb? Will you go with Wensforth and see if Yussa has any more research anywhere else in his tower? Anything at all would be incredibly helpful.” 

Caleb nods sharply, pushing down fear just like he’d been taught. He doesn’t like the idea of being separated from Allura in this strange place, but he knows that they have to help her friend. Caleb’s heart drops even further when the goblin woman says, “I’ll go with them too.” 

Caleb hides his shaking hands by pressing time against his legs as he follows Wensforth out of the room. Nott walks beside him, despite how much Caleb tries to lean away from her. It’s hard to hide the amount of fear building in his chest at being alone with two goblins. 

“Where are you from, Caleb?” Nott asks, her voice gravelly but slightly familiar. Caleb frowns at that, but quickly shakes it off.

“Tal’Dorei,” he answers shortly. 

“Is that where you were born?” She asks. Caleb doesn’t say anything, keeping his eyes straight ahead. His arms ache under his coat. After another moment of climbing down the stairs, she asks, “Do goblins make you uncomfortable?” 

“I do not mean to offend you with my behavior,” Caleb answers politely. 

“No, no,” Nott sighs, “I’m used to it. I understand that goblins have done awful things in the Empire. Do we have the same reputation in Tal’Dorei?” 

“I don’t...I don’t know,” Caleb says, getting slightly more irritated with each question. “I haven’t been in Tal’Dorei long.” 

“You’re from the Empire then?” Caleb nods without looking at her. Thankfully, Nott stops her barrage of questions and lets them walk in silence, Caleb quelling the urge to snap Frumpkin into his arms. 

Wensforth leads them to a small study with a mess of papers covering the small desk. He tells them not to disturb anything too much, but they can look through anything in this room. He then says that he’ll start unlocking a room further down for them to search and leaves Caleb alone with Nott. 

He keeps an eye on Nott out of the corner of his eye as he shuffles through the papers on the desk. The goblin watches Caleb more than she helps. Much too soon, she starts her questioning back up. 

  
“How long have you been with the lady?” 

“A couple of months.”

“Where were you before that? Somewhere else in Tal’Dorei?” 

“That’s none of your business,” Caleb says shortly. He lifts his head to look over at her. “Do these questions have a point?” 

“I think you’re my son,” Nott says, looking right at him and standing between him and the door. 

The paper Caleb is holding slips from his hands as he stares at her. She’s a goblin. How can she be his mother? Nott puts a hand out to calm him as he starts to back away from her, but it doesn’t work in the slightest. “My name was Veth Brenatto.” Suddenly the goblin transforms into a very familiar halfling woman with dark brown hair and tan skin wearing a yellow dress. 

The image of his mother stands before him.

Caleb freezes in place, feeling as though a cup of ice water had been dumped down his back. All the air in the room has vanished. “This is a very cruel trick,” Caleb says harshly. He backs up further, keeping his eyes on the goblin woman. His back is nearly pressed against the grey brick of the study.

“It’s not a trick,” she says calmly. “My name is Veth, you’re my son. I found you in the middle of winter because you have been abandoned by your parents. Your father’s name is Yeza, we lived in Felderwin, you-”

Caleb bolts. 

He brushes past Nott and runs as fast as he can back up the stairs, unsure if the goblin is following him. This is an awful game that he’s somehow become a part of. 

When he gets outside the workshop, Caleb forces himself to slow down so he doesn’t go running in there. He doesn’t need everyone else to see his panic. When he walks in he sees Allura talking to the half-orc man, handing him a mirror. She looks over when she sees him, she instantly frowns in concern. 

“Caleb?” Allura steps to face him, putting herself between him and the group of strangers. “What’s going on?” 

“I can’t-” He tries to speak, but the words don’t come out. 

“Okay,” Allura touches his arm gently. She looks back at Fjord, “Remember what I told you.” Then to the tiefling, “Send me a message if you have any questions.” 

With that Allura grabs Caleb’s other arm and the pair vanishes from the study and reappears back in the library. Caleb steps away from Allura, shaking slightly as he struggles to breathe. “I’m sorry,” he says as tears cloud his vision. 

“It’s alright,” Allura tells him gently. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“I-I…” He shakes his head. “I think I need to be alone.” He picks up his spellbook and other supplies and walks briskly to his bedroom. 

Caleb watches the sun fall in the sky, digging his fingers into Frumpkin’s fur. He doesn’t move from where he is curled up on his bed until there’s a knock at the door. Rather than getting up to open in, he sits up, pulling Frumpkin into his lap. “Come in!” 

The door opens and on the other side is Allura and Kima, Kima carrying a tray of food. “Did I miss dinner?” He asks immediately. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-”

“It’s alright, kid,” Kima sets the tray on the desk. “Can I sit?” She gestures to his bed. Caleb nods, curling his knees up to make room for Kima to sit at the foot of his bed and Allura to perch on the edge beside her. 

“We wanted to check on you,” Allura says. “You were really upset today.” 

Caleb scratches Frumpkin’s head. “I’m sorry. I know that finding out what is wrong with your friend was important and I interrupted you.”

Allura puts her hand out to stop him, “It’s alright Caleb, everything with Yussa is sorted out for now. I’m just worried about you. Will you tell us what happened?” 

Caleb rubs the pad of his thumb against the nail of his second finger while he collects his thoughts. He sees no reason not to tell them the truth. “The goblin woman, Nott, she said she was...my mother. She made herself look like her too” 

Allura frowns, “You said your mother was dead.”

Caleb nods, “Both of my parents were taken by goblins when I was nine years old.” He digs his hands into Frumpkin’s scruff. “She called herself by my mother’s name and she spoke of my home and my father. I don’t know how she knew those things.” 

“Maybe she was one of the goblins that took your parents, learned a little about them, and then impersonated your mother?” Kima suggests. “Your mother wasn’t a goblin was she?”

Caleb shakes his head, “She was a halfling. Both of my parents were. They took me in when I was a baby.” He tightens his arms around himself. “It can’t be true, it is not possible, but…”

“What if.” Allura finishes. She sighs. “That group should be contacting me via the mirror while they’re inside the Folding Halls. Provided that there is time, I wouldn’t mind asking her a few questions for you to prove whether or not it is her.” 

Caleb nods, “Would you allow me to speak with her? With you accompanying of course.” 

“That’s fine as well,” Allura tells him. “I’ll let you know when they contact me.” 

“Thank you, Allura,” Caleb says gratefully. 

After a moment of silence, Kima says, “We’ll let you get some rest, kid. Make sure you eat some dinner. And if you want to talk more, you know where to find us, yeah?” Caleb nods as the women walk out, closing the door behind them. 

He looks down at Frumpkin, “Do you think it’s really her?” The cat gives a meow and stands on his hind legs to bump up against his chin. “It can’t be, right?” Again, Frumpkin bumps into his chin. Caleb brushes his hands down the cat’s sides, quickly lost in thought. 

He remembers the day he lost his parents. 

_It was a harsh winter, colder than any Caleb had ever known. At nine years old, he could see the growing worry and age on his parents’ faces when their food began to run low. He saw the same gaunt expressions on their neighbors passing by the windows. The snow had piled too high for any merchants to get to the farming town, leaving its residents and the nearby goblins to starve._

_On that day, Caleb had been playing behind their house. He was clad in thick wool mittens and a soft hat that had been made for him by their neighbor. His coat was starting to fray at the edge, but Caleb couldn’t care less because that day the sun was shining and it was warm enough to play outside for the first time in days._

_With his back to the woods, Caleb had begun to build a snowman. The snow was several feet deep, plenty of material for his great masterpiece. Just as he was lifting the second ball on to the first, the back door to his house banged open._

_Through it burst his parents, neither dressed in winter gear, both of them with looks of horror on their faces. “Caleb!” His mother shouted, running through the snow towards him. He stood up, seeing his father follow quickly behind._

_“What-” He had barely begun to speak when a clawed hand gripped the back of his neck, drawing blood. He screams, whipping around to see eight goblins behind him all unhealthily thin with gaunt cheeks._

_“Get away from him!” His father shouted, tossing a vial of acid at the creatures. They just growled at him and tried to grab Caleb once more. But just before they could, Veth grabbed him and yanked him out of the way, shoving him towards the house. The goblin’s claws sank into her flesh instead of his. Veth cried out._

_“Veth!” Yeza shouted, running towards the creature holding his wife. But Yeza being a man of academia rather than physical prowess was quickly overtaken by two more._

_“Run, Caleb!” Veth shouted, tears in her eyes, blood on her cheek as the goblins clawed at her._

_So Caleb did._

Caleb presses his hand over his mouth to quiet the noise of his shaky exhales as he breathes through the tears streaming down his cheeks. Frumpkin meows at him from where the cat sits beside him. He calms himself slowly, forcing his mind onto a different track and to stop remembering that day. 

Caleb stands and sits down in front of the tray Kima had placed on his desk. He slowly lifts the piece of buttered bread to his mouth and takes a small bite. Caleb eats less than half the food on the tray, not tasting a single bite. His mind is somewhere else entirely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's where things get a lil crazy! So some info about where this crosses w/ the mighty nein story:  
> 1) Yasha is with them because why the hell not  
> 2) The plot with find Yeza in Xhorhas hasn't happened yet


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb discovers Nott's true identity and deals with the ramifications. 
> 
> TW- accidental self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please no spoilers for episode 125 in the comments.

It’s three days before the mirror lights up. 

Caleb and Allura are once more working in the library, this time Allura is helping Caleb copy a spell into his spellbook. All of a sudden, the mirror on the table beside Allura hums to life. On the other side, they see the image of blue tiefling, looking a little worse for wear, but otherwise alright. Behind her, they can see one or two of her companions. Alura makes quick eye contact with Caleb before picking up the mirror. 

As Allura begins talking to them, Caleb takes out two pieces of parchment. Like he had discussed with Allura, one has four questions. And the other he will use to tell Allura if the answers were correct or not. While Allura discusses the Folding Halls, Caleb’s mind is filled with questions. 

Are the questions he came up with too hard? Too easy? What if she isn’t his mother and she lied to him? But what if she really is? 

That almost terrifies Caleb more. The fact that his mother would have been alive all these years and he never would have known.

“Nott?” Allura says when the conversation ends. “Caleb would like to talk to you with the few minutes we have left.” 

“Of course.” 

Caleb hears so shuffling on her end and then Allura hands him the mirror. He can see Nott, her hair braided back from her face. The mirror shakes a little as she seemingly walks away from the group. Nott smiles gently at Caleb and he has to look away, her smile looking all too much like the one his mother would give him as she tucked him into bed at night, pressing a kiss to his head. 

Before Nott can say anything, Caleb says, “I’m going to ask you a few questions, to prove if you really are my mother, if that’s okay.” Nott nods. Caleb reads the first question. “Who did you name me after?” 

Nott smiles, “After Yeza’s uncle. He saved Yeza’s life when he was a boy so we wanted to honor him by giving you his name.” 

Caleb keeps his face even, he can feel Allura watching him as he writes on the paper in front of him that she got it right. Without telling her if that was right or not, Caleb continues onto the next question. “I have a scar on my leg from my knee to my ankle,” Caleb says, “how did I get it?” 

She gives him a look. “You don’t have a scar on your leg,” Nott says. “At least not from when you were little. But you do have one on your shoulder from where you fell through the ice on the pond playing with some of the other kids.” 

Caleb writes the same note to Allura. Correct. He forces down any hope that is brewing in his chest and reads the next question.

“What nickname did I give myself because I couldn’t pronounce my name?” 

Nott smiles fondly, “Lebby. We tried for weeks to get you to say it properly, but you just couldn’t get that c sound.” She laughs a little. 

He writes that it is once again correct. Quelling the hope and disbelief in his chest, he reads the last question. “What did you give me for my fourth birthday?”

“A little toy cat,” Nott answers. “You kept begging your father and I for a pet cat but we knew that none of us would be able to take care of it so we had Edith make you a little stuffed cat. You named it Frumpkin.”

Caleb feels his chest tighten a little bit. His eyes dart to Allura and he sees a flash of concern across her face. “Um, thank you for answering my questions,” he says. 

“Of course, Caleb.” 

“Allura,” Caleb holds out the mirror to her and she takes it. As Allura closes off the window with them, Caleb stands and walks briskly out of the library without saying goodbye to Allura. When he turns the corner to go back to his bedroom, he nearly runs right into Kima. 

“It’s her isn’t it?” She asks bluntly. 

Caleb nods, “It’s impossible, but I’m nearly certain it’s her.” 

Kima sighs, “We live in a world where mortal men can make themselves into gods. I’m pretty sure anything is possible at this point. So what are you going to do?”

Caleb drags a hand through his hair, “I-I don’t know. It’s a lot to process and to think about and I…” Caleb doesn’t finish his thought. 

“Caleb?” Allura walks out of the library. “Are you alright after all that?” He shakes his head mutely. “What do you need?” 

What Caleb wants to say is that he needs a hug. Since their first hug in the library, Caleb has been more receptive to her touch and he knows that if he asked, she would surely give him a hug. But something or someone in his head tells him that needing affection is weak. And Caleb is not weak. 

He snaps Frumpkin into his arms. And even though he wants nothing less than to be alone, he bids his guardians goodbye and hurries off to his bedroom. The second the door closes behind him, Caleb sinks to the edge of his bed, Frumpkin still in his arms. His mind is moving in a million different directions all at once. 

What is he supposed to do? If his mother is really alive, will Kima and Allura ship him off to her? Is she even the same person he remembers? Does she still want him after all these years apart? Is his father alive as well? Would he be welcome with her strange assortment of companions? 

He knows he’s not the same little boy that his mother knew all those years ago. He’s different. Hardened and damaged. Who’s to say she’ll even like the person he is now or recognize him as her child? And if she finds about the things he’s done, who’s to say she won’t immediately abandon him?

As Caleb thinks he absently scratches the scars on his arms. 

What if his mother doesn’t want him and with his mother alive, Allura and Kima don’t want him either? Then what? Where would he go?

These endless questions roll over and over in Caleb’s mind, tormenting him. His fingernails dig deeper into his left arm until Frumpkin jumps in his lap and forces his arms apart. The movement brings Caleb quickly back to his bedroom. Then Caleb sees the red lines on his raised skin, some of them starting to bleed. 

Frumpkin meows loudly in his face and Caleb buries his fingers into the cat’s scruff, bowing his head. “I don’t know what to do,” he says softly. “My brain is too loud.” 

Frumpkin meows again and this time he jumps down off the bed and meows at the closed door. “You want to go out?” It’s odd behavior for a fey creature, but Caleb gets up and opens the door for him. 

Frumpkin immediately runs into the hallway. Caleb watches from the door as his cat runs down the hall to where he knows Allura and Kima’s bedroom is. Frumpkin turns around and yells at Caleb from down the hall. When Caleb doesn’t move from the doorway, Frumpkin meows louder. 

“No,” Caleb quickly hisses under his breath. “Frumpkin-” He starts to move into the hallway, intending to scoop him up and go back to his room. 

But before Caleb can grab Frumpkin, the bedroom door opens and Kima pokes her head into the hallway. Caleb’s back immediately goes straight, “Lady Kima, I-I’m sorry to disturb you. My cat-”

“Your arm,” Kima says calmly as she steps into the hallway.

Caleb looks where she’s looking and sees his sleeve is still rolled up. His puckered and faded scars on display and the red lines he dug into his skin are on display for her to see. There’s a few drops of blood gathering along the most raised scratches. He quickly yanks his sleeve back down, scooping Frumpkin into his arms. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll go back to bed-”

“Are you okay?” Kima asks, stepping past her doorway, sounding more gentle than he’s ever heard from the halfling. “You got some pretty big news today.” 

“I’m fine,” he lies. Giving her a polite nod of his head, he says, “Goodnight, Lady Kima.” 

“It’s just Kima, kid.”

“Right, of course. I’m sorry.” Caleb goes to turn around, but Kima stops him before he can. 

“Wait.” She walks up to him and puts her hand on his injured arm. She closes her eyes for a second and Caleb feels a rush of warmth up his arm. When Kima opens her eyes and steps back, Caleb pulls back his sleeve to see all of the scratches gone and the bleeding stopped. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” he says softly. 

Kima shrugs, “I wanted to. Believe it or not, I don't like seeing kids hurt. Especially not by themselves.” 

“Kima-”

She waves him off, “You don’t have to explain it to me, not if you don’t want to. But if you ever do want to talk about it, I have two willing ears. All you have to do is say the word.”

Caleb bows his head in acknowledgment, “Thank you.” He wishes Kima a quick goodnight and heads back to his room, closing the door softly behind him. 

In the morning, Caleb shows up to breakfast with dark circles under his eyes and a far away look on his face, clearly deep in thought. Kima and Allura watch him as he begins to eat, saying nothing until he’s almost done. 

“What do you think I should do?” He looks between them. 

Allura folds her hands in front of her, “That’s a complicated question. And I think a better question is do you know what all your options are?” 

He shakes his head, “I don’t. I-I don’t know if my mother will allow me to travel with her or if I’d be allowed to stay with you knowing she’s alive or-”

“Caleb.” Allura gently touches his hand. “Let’s get one thing clear, alright? You always have a place here. It doesn’t matter if your mother is alive, if you want to stay here, Kima and I are happy to have you.” Caleb’s eyes dart to Kima who nods, agreeing with her wife. “Take a breath.” Caleb does as she asks, not realizing how tight his lungs were until that moment. 

After a moment, Kima asks, “Why don’t you just fucking talk to her? Talk to your mom and ask if she would let you travel with her.” 

Caleb quickly shakes his head, “The place they are in is quite dangerous and I don’t want the time that Allura could use helping them to be used for me to talk to my mother.”

“You don’t need to worry about that, Caleb.” Allura squeezes his hand. “Last time I had plenty of time for them to update me and for you to talk to her.”

“Are you sure?” 

Allura nods, “Hopefully the next time they ring, we’ll be together so you can talk to her.”

The second time the mirror lights up, Caleb is fast asleep in his bed and doesn’t hear about it until the next morning over breakfast when Allura tells him that Nott asked about him. 

“She wanted to know if you were okay and I told her that you were still trying to process everything but that you wanted to talk to her the next time they called.” Allura smiles at him, “She also wanted me to pass along that she loves you and she misses you.” 

Caleb takes a slow breath, staving off his building emotions. “Thank you,” he says quietly.

The third time the mirror lights up, Caleb and Allura are once more in the library. The tables and chairs are pushed to the corners of the room as he practices Unseen Servant. When Allura grabs the mirror, Caleb dismisses his spectral servant with a quick wave of his hand. She only speaks to them for a minute before passing it over to Caleb. 

Caleb takes the mirror with shaky hands as he sinks down onto the couch, on the other side he sees the smiling goblin woman. “Hi, Caleb.”

“Hi, mom,” Caleb says, the word feeling foreign in his mouth after so many years. 

Nott smiles at the word. She looks him over for a moment. “You’re so grown up,” she says wistfully. “And I missed it all. I’m so sorry, Caleb.” 

He shakes his head, “It wasn’t your fault. What happened to you?” 

“I’m afraid that story is much too long to tell you right now,” she says. 

Caleb nods in understanding. “Is dad like you too? Is he a goblin?” 

“No,” Nott says. “I helped him escape back to Felderwin about a year after we were taken. If everything went right, he should be there still.” 

Caleb presses his hand over his mouth as tears suddenly gather in his eyes. His father had been alive and in his home the whole time Caleb was at the Academy. If he had known…

“Caleb? Are you alright?” She asks. 

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry. I-I thought you were both dead for so many years. This is...a lot.” 

“I know,” Nott says gently. “When we’re reunited we’ll have lots of time to catch up and learn about what’s happened since we’ve been apart.”

“You-You want me?” Caleb asks. 

“Oh, Caleb, of course I do. You’re my boy.” Nott shakes her head, “But, Caleb, things are complicated. I don’t want your father to see me like this. If I had my choice you wouldn’t have to see me like this either. I don’t think we can be a family again until I have my real body back.”

Eagerly Caleb tells her, “I’m studying magic, Transmutation magic, maybe I can help you.” 

She smiles, “You always were such a smart boy. I have no doubt you’d someday be able to do that.” 

They talk for a minute or so before Caleb works up the courage to ask, “Mom, would you let me stay with you while you travel with your friends?” 

Nott looks back over her shoulder, presumably to where her friends are. “I would have to talk to the rest of the group. Caleb what we’re doing is very dangerous, are you sure you’d be up for that?” 

“I don’t know,” Caleb says softly. “But I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Nott gives him a heartbroken look. “I’ll talk to them, okay? I’ll let you know.” 

The conversation continues, for a few minutes longer before Caleb’s internal clock tells him they only have a few seconds left. He tells Nott as much and shares the disappointed look. 

“I love you, mom.” 

“I love you too.” The last thing he sees before the mirror blinks off is his mother’s toothy smile at him. As Caleb sets the mirror on the table and Allura walks quietly back into the room, Caleb feels tears well in his eyes and his breathing begins to quicken.

When Allura sinks down on the couch beside him she sees his watery eyes and asks, “Is everything okay?”

That simple question has Caleb suddenly bursting into tears, hunching over himself as he cries. If he had stayed in town for a single year before going to the Academy he would have been alright, he would have been safe with his father, no blood on his hands.

“Caleb, can I touch you?” Allura asks. He nods and Allura envelops him in a hug. He hugs her back, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. 

“My dad’s alive,” he tells her through his tears. “He’s been alive this whole time and-and living when I grew up. I-I could have been with him instead of-” Caleb cuts himself off with a sob and Allura just holds him tighter. 

“Shh…” She says. “It’s alright, you don’t need to talk. Just breathe.” 

He lets Allura hold him for a little while before he pulls back, knowing that she probably doesn’t want him crying his eyes out on her shoulder. Allura is quiet for a moment, allowing him space to breathe and calm down before asking, “How are you feeling?”

Caleb looks down at his hands, trying to come up with an answer. But now that his tears have subsided, all he feels is numb. “I-I don’t know.” 

Allura squeezes his hand, “That’s okay. Do you want me to stay with you or do you want to be alone?”

“I’m sure you’re busy and have lots of work to do-”

“Caleb.” Allura stops him by moving her hand to his shoulder. “Do you want to be alone?” Wordlessly, Caleb shakes his head. “Okay,” she rubs his back a little, “then I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the final stretch! The final chapter will be up sometime in the next week, I hope y'all are looking forward to it! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb makes an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, here we go! I have spent so much time on this fic and making it exactly how I wanted it, so I hope you all enjoy the last chapter :D

Caleb spends five sleepless nights pacing around his room, scratching Frumpkin’s scruff, and staring blankly out into the city. Nothing can rest his mind. 

He barely talks to Kima or Allura over those five days. He had thought it was hard to come to terms with everything he did at the Academy, but it’s infinitely harder to come to terms with the fact that he could have spent all those years at home, safe with his father. 

On the fifth day, Allura is late for breakfast. She rushes in, kissing Kima’s head before taking her seat between them. Before she even dishes up a plate, she looks to Caleb. “I just talked to your mother. She wanted to tell you herself, but she wasn’t sure when they would be in contact next. She said that she talked to her friends and they all said they’d be happy to let you join their adventuring party.” 

“Oh,” he says softly. 

Allura touches his hand, “You don’t have to make a decision now, but start thinking about it. Remember, there’s no right answer.” Caleb nods.

He doesn’t say anything else for the rest of breakfast. He retreats to his room almost immediately and begins looking through his spellbook. He looks for any spell that would be useful to a group of well-seasoned adventurers. To his frustration, he doesn’t find much. 

He can’t join their group with nothing to offer, he knows he’ll be back on the streets in less than a week. 

There is nothing Caleb’s wanted more since he was a child. All he’s wanted since he was nine years old was to have his family back and now he can, he can be with his mother again. He thinks about the way she would hum to him as she combed his hair, her warm embraces after a long day, and the comforting kisses she would plant on his nose and forehead. He wants his family back more than anything.

Caleb finds Kima in the training room, just as he expected. When he opens the door, she lifts her head, using her forearm to wipe the sweat from her brow. “What are you doing here, kid? We’re not training today.” 

“I know.” Caleb shuts the door. “I wanted to talk to you because I know you’ll be honest with me.” 

She steps away from the dummy and sets her Warhammer on the ground. Kima walks over to him and nods for him to start talking.

“Do you think that I would make a good adventurer?” 

Kima scans him up and down. “A scrawny kid like you? You’d be dead in the first week based on your fighting skill alone.” She thinks, “But with your magic and with other people...maybe you’d be okay.” 

“Kima, do you think that you could teach me to use my magic to fight? Allura is teaching me these spells, but I don’t know how to use them in combat. You’ve fought side by side with magic users before, right?” She nods. “Will you teach me?” 

Kima runs a hand over her hair. “I’m not a magic person, Caleb. I can’t teach you how to use your spells.” 

“But you can teach me how to be useful in combat.” He looks at her pleadingly, “Please, Kima.”

She sighs, “Okay. Okay.” Then she looks up at him with a narrow gaze, “Does this mean you’ve decided to go with your mother?”

Caleb scuffs his shoe against the floor, “I think so. As long as I know I won’t be a liability to her and her friends.”

Over the next few weeks, Kima, with Allura’s occasional help, starts to teach Caleb how to use his magic to fight. It’s slow going at first, Caleb has to fight not to remember the lessons Trent taught him, the cruel ways he was forced to hurt people. But instead of teaching him to hurt, Kima teaches him ways to help the people he’ll be fighting with as opposed to dealing out a lot of damage, using his magic to make his opponent easier to hit or to stay in one place.

Bit by bit, Kima starts asking him to use harmful spells, not ones that would kill, just injure. And so far, those have been going pretty well. Caleb is starting to trust himself with harder-hitting spells. 

But on one particular day, Caleb is in the training room with Kima and she asks him to use the simple spell Fireball. Allura had shown him how that spell could be useful for a torch or to start a campfire, but he hasn’t used that spell against another person since the Academy. 

But he doesn’t say anything. 

It’s been several months now, he should be fine, he tells himself. Kima has him on a mark dozens of feet away from a dummy with a red target on its chest. Caleb summons a fireball, fighting to keep his heartbeat even. On Kima’s command, he releases the fireball, hitting the dummy square on the mark. 

_“Burn him, Caleb,” Master Ikithon says, leaning over Caleb’s shoulder to whisper in his ear._

_Caleb sees his hand shake as he summons a ball of fire, but his face remains emotionless, just as he had been taught. He doesn’t look at the man kneeling in front of him, but rather at the opposite wall._

_“Do it! What are you waiting for?” His master shouts, angrily shaking Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb hears Astrid and Eodwulf whisper something to each other, but he’s too far away and too distracted to hear it. “Burn. Him.” Ikithon growls._

_With a swift motion, Caleb releases the fireball towards the man on the ground. Caleb’s eyes remain straight ahead, even as the man begins screaming, begging for his life, pleading for Caleb to stop and to let him go. That he has children waiting for him to come home. Eventually, the screams stop._

_Caleb only turns when Master Ikithon addresses him, “Good work, Caleb. You’re making excellent progress.” He sees Astrid and Eodwulf behind him, both of them are blank-faced, just like Caleb._

_“Thank you, Master Ikithon,” Caleb says, bowing his head politely. His voice almost betrays him, but it manages to stay steady._

_Astrid steps up to him, “Caleb? Caleb, can you hear me?”_

“Caleb?” 

Caleb gasps sharply and blinks. He’s in the training room in Allura’s tower, sitting on the floor, his back pressed against one of the walls. His lungs feel incredibly tight and he can hear his heart beating in his ears. Across the room, he can see the metal stand of a dummy, surrounded by black, still smoking, ash. 

“You with me?” Caleb looks to his left and sees Kima on one knee next to him. He gives her a shaky nod. “Good, I lost you for a second there. Are you okay?” Caleb doesn’t answer, even though he knows he should. He rests his forehead on his knees and focuses on breathing. After a moment, he feels Kima’s hand on his back. 

The weight is comforting and as she rubs small circles into his shoulder, Caleb feels himself calming down. 

“I’m sorry,” Caleb says.

“You’re hardly the first person I’ve seen that happen to.” Kima looks over his face. “What happened?” 

“I don’t like that spell.” Caleb tips his head against the wall so he’s looking up at the ceiling. “My old master...encouraged me to use that spell to harm innocent people. Though I didn’t know that at the time.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Kima asks. “I wouldn’t have made you cast that spell if I knew.” 

“I thought I would be okay.” Caleb runs a hand over his hair. “Maybe you were right. If that happens to me during a battle…” He shakes his head. “I don’t think I can be an adventurer.”

Kima stands, “Stop talking and listen to me. Do you want to be an adventurer, travel the world with your mother?” Caleb nods. “Then stand up.” Caleb does as she says. Kima picks up a sword, twirling it before settling into its grip. “Knock this sword out of my hand.” 

“What?” 

“Do it!” Kima shouts and begins swinging her sword at him.

Pulling his components from his pouch, Caleb whirls his hands around and casts Levitate on the sword, making it rise out of Kima’s hands. With a wave of his hand, he sends the weapon clattering to the floor far away. Then Kima rushes towards him and Caleb quickly casts Invisibility, quickly stepping out of Kima’s way as she tries to punch where he just was. 

She laughs, “Good. You’re getting it now. You don’t have to hit me to help your companions. You can let them deal heavy damage while you make their enemies available to be hit.” 

Without warning, Caleb casts Hold Person on Kima as she turns slowly in a circle to try to find him. The second he does, his invisibility drops and Kima looks at him, only able to move her eyes. With a wave of his hand, he dismisses the spell. 

“Good work.” Kima reaches up to tap him on the shoulder. “You wanna go again?” Caleb takes a deep breath and nods. 

It takes a few days before Caleb starts to work on damaging spells again and slowly he grows more and more confident with them. As long as they’re not fire spells, he’s able to focus on the lessons. It doesn’t escape his attention that Kima checks in with him several times and always has this concerned look on her face when she works with him. 

He talks to his mom one more time and hears that they’re almost done with their venture into the Folding Halls. Nott had assured him that once they returned back to the material plane, he would be welcomed with open arms into her group and that she can’t wait to see him. 

Caleb returns the sentiment, but he can’t help but feel anxious at the thought of the new people he’ll soon be meeting and traveling with. It took him long enough to warm up to Allura and Kima, let alone five other people.

Over the next few days, Caleb goes shopping with Kima and Allura to pick some armor and general supplies for adventuring. While they do, he hears stories about their adventures when they were younger. They tell him about their first adventuring party while they tried to bind a red dragon to the fire plane. And he hears about a group called Vox Machina and how they had once stolen one of Allura’s carpets.

In those few days, he learns more about his guardians over the last four months. 

Caleb is sitting at his desk reading, occasionally scratching Frumpkin’s head, when all of a sudden he hears a voice in his head.

“Caleb!” He flinches upon hearing a voice in his head with a thick accent he doesn’t recognize. “I’m Jester, I’m a friend of your mom’s. I'm just letting you know that we’re in Nicodranas. So whenever you’re ready you can-”

The message ends abruptly as Caleb assumes she gets cut off by the spell, but he understands the message. “Um, okay. I’ll talk to my guardians and I’ll make it down there in the next few days.” 

Two days later, Allura, Kima, and Caleb are stepping into a teleportation circle to return to Yussa’s tower. Caleb has a bag of holding at his side with all of his weapons, spell books, components, and enough paper to last a lifetime. 

Following the instructions given to them by Jester, the woman who spoke in his head, the three of them make their way to a hotel called the Lavish Chateau. Nicodranas is similar to Emon, Caleb thinks, it’s just as, if not more colorful. Being a port city, he sees dozens of different kinds of people from dozens of places across the globe. As they walk, Allura keeps one hand on Caleb’s shoulder. He’s not exactly sure why, he’s not a child, liable to get lost in a city as bright as this one. 

Waiting outside the Lavish Chateau is a blue tiefling bouncing excitedly on her toes and scanning the crowds. Beside her is a now familiar goblin woman wearing a yellow dress with a button necklace. As they approach, the tiefling, Caleb recalls her name as Jester, waves to them. She harshly taps the goblin’s arm who upon seeing Caleb, breaks into a wide grin. 

Allura squeezes Caleb’s shoulder and the three of them walk up to the Lavish Chateau. Caleb immediately crouches down to hug his mom. He’s bigger now and she’s much smaller, and she has claws and big ears, but it still feels the same and it almost makes Caleb want to start sobbing. When they pull apart, Nott puts a hand on his cheek and looks over his face. 

“We got a lot of catching up to do, huh?” She asks. Caleb nods. “We’ll have plenty of time for that soon.” Nott kisses his forehead.

“Shall we head inside?” Allura asks. 

“Of course!” Jester says. “Follow me.” 

Jester leads them through this beautiful building, telling them that this is her mother’s establishment, that she grew up here, that her mother is an incredibly renowned and established performer and so many other things that Caleb can barely catch because she talks so damn fast. She says that the rest of their group is exploring the city right now, but he’ll get to meet them all tonight. 

Jester brings them to an empty hotel room before saying that she’ll give them some space to talk. 

Nott just sighs happily as she looks at her son, “How the hell did you end up in Tal’Dorei?”

Caleb chuckles a little, “I’m afraid that’s a very long story. Perhaps for another time.” 

Nott nods and looks at Kima and Allura. She walks over to them, takes Allura’s hand, and says, “I can never thank you enough for taking care of my boy. If there’s anything I can do to repay you…”

Allura shakes her head, giving Nott’s hand a squeeze, “Just keep yourselves alive.” Nott smiles and steps away. Allura and Kima both turn to him with sad eyes. Allura beckons him towards them. “Let’s say goodbye so you can get on your way.”

Caleb nods and stands to face Allura and Kima, the two women who changed his life. Saved his life. He takes a deep breath, “Thank you both for everything. You took me into your home out of sheer kindness and...and you gave me a family when I was so alone. I can’t express to you how much it means to me.” He looks at Allura, “Thank you for saving me from that awful place and for imparting your wisdom to me. And thank you for caring about me when you didn’t have to.” Allura wipes her eyes and squeezes his hand. Then to Kima Caleb says, “Thank you for teaching me strength and to be a little bit kinder to myself. I-I know I still have a long way to go, but you helped me more than you can imagine.” 

Kima claps him on the shoulder, “I’m proud of you, kid. Remember what I taught you, take care of yourself, and for the love of Kord stay alive.” She sticks her arm out towards him and with a small smile, Caleb grasps her forearm and gives it a firm shake.

Allura steps up to him and unchains the necklace that sits around her neck. It’s a long golden chain with a small blue amulet at the end. She takes his hand and puts it in his palm, her eyes are still teary. “If ever you are in a dire situation and have no way out, all you need to do is break this stone and I will come to you.” 

Caleb pulls Allura into a tight hug which she quickly reciprocates. He knows better than to try the same with Kima. Caleb rests his head on her shoulder, and can’t help the fear tears that now roll down his cheeks. 

When they pull apart, Allura smiles at him, sadly, “Remember, you always have friends in Tal’Dorei.” 

“I will,” he replies softly. “We’ll see each other again.” 

Allura nods, “I have no doubt about that.” 

With that, Allura squeezes his shoulder and looks down at Kima. Taking her wife’s hand, Allura gives Caleb one last, teary smile, before they vanish in a flash of blue light. 

There’s silence. 

Caleb clasps the necklace on, tucking the pendant under his shirt. Before he turns back to face his mother, he quickly dabs his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. 

The expression on his mother’s face is unreadable, but when she meets his eyes, she smiles. 

“You ready to meet my friends?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's commented on the previous chapters, y'all really kept me going while I was writing this. I created a series for this so if you're interested in a sequel about Caleb and the M9, let me know! I'm probably not going to write it if no one seems interested.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading, I hope you guys are excited about the next chapter! Comments and kudos are always appreciated and keep me writing!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish
> 
> For the love of god keep the comments free of spoilers for episode 123.


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